I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
