Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
