She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
