I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
