She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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