You're so nebulous sometimes
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
