Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Vodka?
Forever.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
