This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize