He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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