why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
