I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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