I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
