Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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