The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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