remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
