She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
