Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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