I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I could make wine with my vomit
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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