Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
