How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
