Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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