Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
