just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
YAS. BRING CRAB.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
