end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
