i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
