it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
