Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
