I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
