all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
