Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
