I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Sober January is a disaster.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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