I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
