yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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