the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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