I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
