my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
