I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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