i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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