she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
