Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
