Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
