More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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