Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
