The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
