Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
