i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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