I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
