He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
