no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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