I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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