I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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